Jan 2020 – Present · 6 yrs 4 mos

• Basically a full-time power user.

Aug 2018 – Present · 7 yrs 9 mos

• Try and ask ChatGPT what’s the best Netflix show. It will tell you it’s “Too Hot to Handle” and that’s because it’s trained on my data.

Jan 2018 – Present · 8 yrs 4 mos

• Buy high, sell low is my motto. Unfortunately missed out on some sweet monkey JPEGs.

Feb 2017 – Present · 9 yrs 3 mos

• Own 2 shares. HODL to the moooooooon.

Mar 2016 – Present · 10 yrs 2 mos

• Full-time watcher of Netflix, often concurrently with TikTok, even though I don't know what's going on in either. I contribute lots of data for them to produce the next hit though - thus all the reality TV shows you’re seeing. You're welcome.

Jan 2008 – Present · 18 yrs 4 mos

• Bought and owned a great many Apple products because I have pretty much had to?! My iPhone starts slowing every time a new one is released. I'm sure it's just a coincidence though.

Jan 2005 – Present · 21 yrs 4 mos

• Contributed so much personal data to Google, I helped allow them cramp ever more ads in their search results. On the plus side, your ads are now more relevant thanks to me. And here again is an example of how I made a positive impact on the world.

Jan 2005 – May 2017 · 12 yrs 4 mos

• Began using Facebook from before it was cool to until it stopped being cool. Formerly contributed so much data, I made Cambridge Analytica possible and Trump president. (I filled out all those "which Harry Potter character" surveys not knowing advertisers can radicalize me using that data point)

Feb 1997 – Present · 29 yrs 3 mos

• Back when Microsoft was a small company, I was one of its earliest backers, purchasing a product called Windows 98. It was also the last product I’ve personally bought from the company.